Marvel (Bland) Headcanon Interpretations
by TheDivineMsEm
Summary: Just a mix and match of different bland Marvel headcanons that I find on Pinterest, done in an AU format. Feel free to message me with requests or questions, my inbox is always open. There'll be four or five headcanons to a chapter and none will be continued or fleshed out. Please see the start of Chapter 1 for universe details.
1. Chapter 1

**Emily's Marvel Head Canon Universe – Rules of Play**

 **\- Bucky, Spiderman, Falcon & Ant Man are Avengers (the latter two do not live in the tower full time)**

 **\- The whole team, plus Jane, Darcy and Loki on occasion, live in the Tower**

 **\- Pepper is the CEO of Stark Industries and Tony's good friend (nothing more)**

 **\- Only the events of Avengers 1 and Cap 2 happened. After Avengers 1 Loki was no longer being manipulated by the Cube power and is now on probation with Shield, working inter-galactically for them. After Cap 2 Steve managed to capture Bucky and they've been in intense mental rehabilitation ever since**

 **\- Everything post Cap 2 didn't happen, the Twins and Vision aren't involved, Clint isn't married with kids and Peter joined after Tony found out who Spiderman was. Also, discount Iron Man 3 for the most part. This will very much be an "on a whim" headcanon collection, much like my Harry Potter one is.**

 **Everything else you guys will pick up as you read the chapters. Five head canons per chapter. If you'd like to check out the Head Canons I use, find me on Pinterest under the same username, just with an 'underscore' symbol after 'the' in my username.**

 **1 – Steve's POV**

I walked into the kitchen one morning to see Tony sipping from a coffee mug at the kitchen island while Bucky was cooking what smelt like eggs and bacon. Bucky was talking animatedly about something and Tony was just nodding as he scribbled on a pad in front of him, occasionally mumbling a sound of agreement.

"Morning you two," I greeted them as I walked in and headed straight for the special Asgardian brew Thor had brought back with him from his last visit to his home planet. Since Bucky and I had the super soldier serum flowing through our veins, regular caffeine didn't have much of an effect on us. We had still been drinking it for the taste when we brought the issue up with Thor, who offered this drink that was extremely similar, though the coffee taste combined with an almost cinnamon-like flavour in one's mouth.

"What's going on here?" I asked as I sat down next to Tony, glancing over his shoulder to see a bunch of indiscernible scribbles, and a vague looking arm sketched out in the corner.

"I'm working on an alternate arm for your old pal," Tony said, not taking his eyes off his paper. "Don't know if you've noticed but it's kind of hard not to notice his very noticeable fake arm."

"What he said," Bucky said, actually _laughing_ (a few months ago that would've been impossible) as he came over and loaded up his and Tony's plates with bacon, eggs and some spinach and mushrooms he had also been cooking up. "You want some pal? I can cook up some more for ya' real quick."

I shook my head. "No thanks. I like to eat after my run. Usually I'm out the door by now but I decided to let Sam sleep in."

"So what have you two got so far?" I asked, trying once again to decipher Tony's doctor-like scrawl.

"So, run me through the basics one more time," Tony said, presumably to Bucky, who put down his knife and fork to turn and face Tony straight on.

"I want it to be removable."

"Okay."

"And lightweight."

"Okay."

"No more super strength."

"Okay."

"With LED lights that change colours and shit," Bucky threw in, causing me to choke on my drink as I stared confusedly at my friend.

"Okay," Tony said, not even blinking an eye.

"…that was a joke, Stark."

"Oh," Tony actually sounded a little disappointed.

"…can you do it though?"

"Yep," here Tony sounded almost offended at the question. _He would_ , I thought derisively, still acknowledging that it was warranted considering Tony's skillset.

"Cool. Do it."

"Okay."

I saw Bucky nod and turn back to his breakfast as Tony continued to write on his pad, making more adjustments to the sketch of the arm. I blinked slowly at the both of them, not saying anything until Sam came into the room.

Thankfully he did so soon after. "Hey man, sorry for sleeping in. You ready?" he asked, pulling on his sweatshirt.

"More than you know," I said, quickly getting up and hurrying out of the room.

 **2 – Steve's POV**

Tonight was movie night and our movie of choice was 'Star Wars Episode V: Empire Strikes Back'. Whenever we did get the chance to bring the whole team together we all liked to relax at the tower. And Tony's somewhat oversized media room was the perfect place to catch up on the massive amount of films and TV shows that I had missed while frozen.

Everyone except Loki, Thor, Jane and Peter were in attendance. Even Darcy had willingly come along, the once-assistant-turned-SHIELD-handler (don't ask. She knows us and Loki likes her, that's enough) bringing along the apparent necessary snacks for such a night.

Everyone was dressing for the occasion tonight. Darcy had pyjama bottoms with little frogs on them and Bruce was wearing a wife beater with the, somewhat ironic, words 'you won't like me when I'm mad' printed on them. "Come on guys, I'm going to put this on."

"You forget that you and Barnes are the only ones who haven't seen this film," Nat's voice came from just outside the room. Before I could respond, she entered the room and I turned to look at her, my eyebrows rising at what I saw.

"Nat, is that my sweater?" I asked, surprised.

"Yes," she said, walking over to her spot on the couch. She had a large mug in her hands, probably full with her special Columbian blend coffee, but it was the rest of her outfit that caught my eye. My sweater and the pants were especially baggy on her.

"Whose things are you wearing?" I wondered aloud.

Clint briefly lifted his head from where he'd been lying on another couch with his feet in Darcy's lap, to look at his partner. He blinked once at Nat as she eyed him with an eyebrow raised, before he lay his head back down. "Yeah," he said idly. "They're my pants."

"And the slippers?" I asked, referring to the bright pink fluffy slippers she was wearing. I could even see two little tufts of fabric on top of each of the individual slippers, indicating rabbit ears I assumed.

"Oh, those are mine," Tony said, walking into the room while fiddling on his tablet. "What?" he asks, stopping in the entryway as everyone, bar Nat, turns to look at him.

 **3 – Darcy's POV**

"Hey guys! I've got coffee!" I shouted, coming through the door of the lab after thanking JARVIS for granting me access even though Tony hadn't given express permission. I figured since this was one of their least classified labs I'd try and bring them some fuel for their nerd brains. Far be it from me to attempt to make them stop, but as Jane's former intern I felt obligated to make sure they didn't die…or other such terrible events.

This morning the whole crew was down there with Natasha. Tony and Bruce had been trying to create this mini daggers that, when they made contact with a target, would transmit a poison to the subject that wasn't deadly but would nonetheless incapacitate whoever Nat was fighting with. Jane had gone with them in the name of scientific curiosity and had apparently had to serve as the temporary model for weapon schematics and design.

They'd finally arrived at a solid prototype for Nat to test, which they had been doing for the last few hours (at least, since I'd left for a SHIELD meeting this morning). JARVIS had informed me that they'd already completed several simulations of real fights with different bots, with Nat, Bruce and Jane now talking quietly as Tony fiddled with something.

At my shout all four heads turned towards me with varying looks of appreciation. Bruce seemed relived, politely coming to me to retrieve his green tea. He was the last one in the entire tower not to succumb to some form of coffee.

Jane came next, her eyes locked on her Caffe Americano as she mumbled a thank you to me. I didn't even bat an eyelid because this behaviour wasn't atypical of Jane in the throes of a science-creating-random-pieces-of-smart-junk thing.

Tony had immediately put down his tools and came over to me, pulling down his eye cover to rest around his neck as he sent me a flirtatious grin. "You are a Goddess come to Earth," he said, winking as he picked up his Scorched Butterscotch Latte (don't ask).

Last came Nat and she even gave me a small smile of thanks as she grabbed her lightly roasted, straight coffee and took a sip. I paused long enough to take note of the blissful expression on her face as she made a small hum of approval. I also paused long enough to be caught up when Nat, after giving her coffee to Jane, took my face in both of her hands and kissed me.

On the mouth.

With her mouth.

On mine.

I started to get into it the longer it continued and we eventually broke apart to see the surprised looks on the guys' faces and the nonplussed expression on Jane's. She just sipped her coffee (I thought to hide her smile that peeked out from behind the rim) as she eyed their surprise with amusement.

"You saw that right?" Tony asked Bruce, his eyes wide. "I mean, that happened in real life? I didn't just imagine that?"

Bruce was equally as shocked. "No, no, you definitely saw that Tony," he muttered softly, looking at me like he wanted to study me. I looked at Nat and just shrugged, giving her a bemused look. She let the smallest of smiles escape onto her face as she shook her head and walked away, talking quietly with Jane.

I looked back at Bruce and Tony, who didn't look any less confused. I sent them the biggest smirk as I shrug and turn around, making my way to the door. I turn back to say one last thing, seeing that Tony and Bruce hadn't moved.

"Oh, by the way guys?" I asked, making them snap their gazes to me. "Best kiss I've ever had."

 **4 – Peter's POV**

We were just finishing up Team Dinner when 'It' happened. And I do mean 'It' in the capitalised sense, because it will forever be burned onto my memory.

We tried to do these dinners once a month where the entire team, live ins or not, came together at the Tower for themed parties. This month Clint had convinced Tony to organise a Mexican night, because he "felt like tequila and tacos". I obviously stuck to normal soft drink, but everyone else had a margarita or just straight tequila in hand.

As I'd learned from multiple other nights, it was extremely hard for the Asgardians in the room to get even slightly tipsy. The only time I'd ever witnessed them inebriated at all was when a British friend of Clint and Natasha's stopped by with something called Firewhiskey. By the end of the night Loki, Thor _and_ Steve were stumbling around the Tower.

Tonight Tony had brought each their own bottle of tequila. Upon seeing the concentration level of alcohol in the tequila Steve had pushed the bottle away, joining me in sobriety for the evening. Thor and Loki went for it though. Maybe that was why Loki was feeling so daring and he did what he did.

I mean, it's not like nobody knew. Everyone did. Most of us had been unfortunate enough to get more than one lecture about it from Thor. So this was pretty big.

I watched as Loki drained the last of the tequila from the bottle and walked over to the two bins that Tony had at the edge of his balcony. One was for recycling and one was for rubbish. By this point Thor, Steve and Sam were watching the Asgardian Prince as well. Loki paused, his hand over the recycling bin lid, before he looked back at the group with a sly look on his face. Unsure of what was happening, I shared an anxious look with Sam and Steve as Thor kept his gaze laser focused on his brother.

Then, purposefully and in full view of everyone, Loki moved his hovering hand from the recycling bin to the trash bin. He lifted the lid and, still looking at Thor, threw the battle in.

"Oh my," Steve said, looking at Thor immediately to gauge his reaction.

"Loki," I breathed, staring at the God of Mischief.

"No he didn't," Sam said, shaking his head at Loki's actions.

Slowly conversation around the table died down as everyone's attention was drawn to Thor's rising figure. He placed his bottle slowly down on the table as he stepped slowly towards his brother.

"Loki," he said, his tone firm.

"Yes dear brother?" Loki replied, his accompanying grin as mischievous as ever.

"What..." Thor responded, stepping closer and closer to his brother with each word. I shrunk back in my chair, preparing for a lecture to end all lectures. "…have I told you…about the importance of recycling?"

 **5 – Tony's POV**

I had just woken up ridiculously early (considering the amount of sleep I didn't get), as per usual, and was heading for the kitchen for my morning coffee. I had my tablet with me and was working on the schematics for an addition to Steve's shield when I stopped and looked up, walking backwards a few steps until I came to the end of the hallway wall that separated the hallway from the main living area.

"Hey Sam, what're you doing?" I asked the Tower's resident birdman, who was currently fully suited up and hovering under one corner of the roof.

"What do you think I'm doing Stark?" he grumbled out at me, though he didn't look over.

"I think you're trying to cheat your way through your punishment," I answered. "Which is ridiculous, because you know that only means you get another week on your sentence the next time he gets into it."

He stepped scrubbing at the roof and turned back to me, still flapping away in the air. "I don't even know why I'm the one in here. Nat was the one that moved the coffee to a new hiding spot. How was I meant to know Peter was around the corner listening in when Darcy asked me where it was?"

I shook my head. "Amateur move Birdie. You should've thoroughly reconned the area before mentioning anything. We've been down this road to many times for you not to know that."

"You can all bite me," he said, going back to his task of cleaning the marks off the roof.

I laughed silently to myself as I walked out of the entryway and continued on to the kitchen. We didn't have many rules in the tower but at least half of the ones we did have had to do with coffee. And the number one, cardinal rule governing coffee in this Tower was that, under no circumstances _ever_ , was anyone to tell Peter where the coffee was stored. Anyone that was judged to have done so was responsible for cleaning the webs and muddy footprints from the ceiling for as long as he was on his high.


	2. Chapter 2

**Dear Readers,**

 **This note will be pinned to the first update for each of my stories (I plan to upload multiple chapters for each over the next few days). I'm alive, I'm okay, I'm writing. But between work, school and the new blog page I have up it's been hectic. I've also been doing more reading and more of my own writing so that's been taking up my time. Speaking of, if you'd like to follow along with the blog I'd love to have you all. You can find me at or on Instagram at abook(underscore)amonth. I'd love to share my joy about books with you all.**

 **On that note, please enjoy these chapters as a sign of love and apology from your favourite old author.**

 **Emily**

 **1 – Steve's POV**

"Mister Rogers," I heard a voice calling out. "Mister Rogers. _Mister Rogers_!" I mentally waved the voice off and rolled over, trying to fall back into a deeper sleep. That is, until I felt my entire bed lift up so that I ended up in a standing position. Thankfully I managed to get my wits about me as both I and the blanket I was under fell to the floor.

"Jarvis?" I questioned the AI. "When did Tony have that put in?"

"It is a feature on all the Avengers' bed frames sir, though I am unaware as to why Mister Stark instituted such a program," Jarvis replied. "Not to be rude and interrupt, sir, but you did inform me that I was to wake you should Mister Barnes experience any night terrors."

Instantly I stood to attention, ready to face a specific kind of threat now. Without pausing to think more than I already had I burst out of my room and ran to the elevator, thanking God (and Tony) that my floor was right on top of Bucky's.

"How long has he been up Jarvis?" I said as I made my way down the hall. I was immensely thankful for Tony's talent with technology as Jarvis began his answer before I got into the elevator but continued seamlessly as I entered.

"Mister Barnes' nightmare started approximately eight minutes and thirty-two seconds ago. He has been awake and out of bed for the last two minutes and ten seconds. He only became violently sick a short time ago, just as you stepped into the elevator."

I frowned worriedly, hoping I got there before it got too bad. I exited the elevator and went straight down the hallway towards Bucky's room, the door already open courtesy of Jarvis. I made my way to the ensuite bathroom and found my best friend hurling out the contents of his stomach into the toilet bowl. His hair was hanging limply around his face and I could tell how tightly wound he still was from how his shoulders were set.

I went immediately to the cupboards near the sink, rummaging through until I found a hair accessory that I could use to tie back Bucky's hair. He always told me afterwards that he hated getting throw up in his hair because he felt like he would continue smelling it even after he showered and washed everything away.

I went over to Bucky and knelt beside him, taking care of his hair first. Then I put my left hand on his back and started moving it in circles as my right hand came up to tightly grip his right hand where it held the bowl. I wanted him to know I was there, no matter where his head was at.

"Shh, Buck, it's okay. I'm here now, okay? I'm not going nowhere," I said softly, continuing my actions.

I both saw and felt Bucky shudder underneath me, his eyes coming to meet mine. "Why won't it stop, Steve? Why can't I stop seeing them? I hurt so many people, _so many people_ , and now I can't escape their faces," he said, the last part coming out slightly garbled as he half-choked on a sob. I just sighed again, resting my head in the crook of his neck as he leant forward so his forehead was on the edge of the bowl.

"I know Buck, I know."

 **2 – Tony's POV**

"Bruce, Bruce!" I called urgently, stepping between the rest of the team and our occasionally extremely angry friend. "Bruce, hey buddy, look at me, come on."

I could hear movement behind me. "Tony, maybe-" Steve began, before I bit back harshly at the Captain.

"Why don't you take your suggestion and shove it Cap, okay? I'm helping my friend," I said, my head turning back towards a Bruce that was now shaking and showing a slightly green colour. "Forget about them buddy. Why don't we sing the Hulk's favourite song huh?"

Bruce gasped and grunted, choking on nothing as he struggled to retain his right mind. "Oka-oka….okay," he eventually got out. "Sing…with me?"

"Always," I said, giving him a brief but sincere smile. I made sure I maintained eye contact with him as I began singing. "I like big butts and I cannot lie."

"You other brothers can't deny," Bruce mumbled, rubbing at his eyes.

"That when a girl walks in," I sang back, looking at everyone with a stern look. _Join in_ , I urged silently, nodding emphatically at Bruce. "With an itty bitty waist."

"And a round thing in your face," Bruce intoned. "You get sprung."

"Want to pull up tough, 'cause you notice that butt was stuffed," Natasha said, stepping up next to me. She briefly sent me a small, amused smile. I just nodded, letting a breath out, as Natasha gestured for Clint to join us.

"Deep in the jeans she's wearing," Bruce and I sang together.

"I'm hooked and I can't stop staring," Natasha and Clint sang.

"Oh baby, I want to get with you," Bruce said, leaning his head back on the wall, looking tired. Still he kept going, his breath becoming softer as he calmed down. "And take your picture."

"My homeboys tried to warn me," I sang back. "But with that butt you got-"

"-makes me so horny," Clint and Natasha sung together. I sent them another smile as Bruce's breathing returned to normal.

"How you feeling buddy?" I asked him, speaking normally. "You okay?"

"Yeah, thanks Tony," he said, giving me a small smile. "Not too sure about everyone else though."

I turned to look over my shoulder, observing our team mates existing in various states of shock. "They'll get over it," I said dismissively. "Everyone has their own way of coping."

 **3 – Natasha's POV**

"Great class today everyone," I said warmly, smiling at the young women in front of me. "Remember, when you're executing any kind of defensive manoeuvre against any kind of attacker, no matter if they're stronger than you or not, always maintain a sense of calm. Being present in your own mind will allow you to call on these skills when you need them."

After hearing general murmurs of agreement I nodded towards the door. "Then get out of here, I'll see you next week."

I picked up my towel and water bottle, walking out of the room to get changed. I had started teaching this defence class three years ago. Tony had come up with the idea of an Avengers Community Initiative. With Pepper running Stark Industries, Tony found he had nothing to spend his time on outside of research and development of new products. Thus the ACI was born.

All the Avengers were involved in some ways at various times a week, providing free lessons to the public in our areas of specialty personally when we weren't on missions. Tuesdays and Thursdays were my days at the centre and they were always comprised of a class or two and then a few hours manning the domestic violence hotline we had set up.

This idea had been mine. With a strong advertising campaign, we had put out word that we had organised a hotline for people to call up when they were involved in domestic violence disputes. We would take the call and then stay on the line with them until the appropriate people could be notified. Once or twice, when the police and the ambulances had been extraordinarily busy, I had even sent over an Avenger to mediate the situation.

"Evening Mary," I said, walking into the office where our workers manned the phones. Mary and I had desks that were next to each other and had become close friends. "Busy night?"

"Sadly," Mary replied, sending me a sad, small smile. "Grab a phone dearie, we could use your calm tone tonight."

I sent a smile her way, settling into my chair. I took a deep breath, calming myself before I picked up the headset on the desk and answered the incoming call. "Hello, my name is Natasha, thank you for calling our hotline. Are you somewhere safe where you can speak?"

 **4 – Clint's POV**

None of the team knew this but Nat had a true and sincere desire to become a mother. Almost from the first moment she had opened up to me I had realised that not only would she make a fantastic mother, but that she also really wanted to be one. To pass on her knowledge to someone that she could care for and protect in a way that no one ever did for her. Don't get me wrong, Coulson and I did all we could to offer her our support. I even let her take care of me whenever I was hurt or injured. But I knew that deep down it would never happen for her in the way she always dreamed of. I'll never forget what she said to me after a particularly harrowing mission in Shanghai where we took down a child smuggling ring.

"I'm not stupid," she whispered as we stood off to the side and watched the clean-up crew take care of the fallout of our mission. "I know realistically that I can never have a child. I'm an ex-assassin, now secret government agent, with many enemies and several prices on my head. Not to mention the ridiculous number of agencies that would love to take me out. I'd never be able to give a child a decent and safe life."

"But?" I interjected, sensing her pause.

"But it doesn't stop me wanting one," she whispered so quietly I thought I had misheard her. Before I could say anything else she had let out a breath and turned to walk away. She couldn't hide the lone tear that was making its way down her cheek before being swiped away by an errant hand. I just turned back to the results of our mission, letting out a mournful sigh for my enemy-turned-partner.

All this changed, however, when we met Spiderman. Hesitant at first about revealing his secret identity, Tony had somehow convinced him that he would feel more protected if everyone on the team knew who he was and could watch his back out in the real world. So there we were one night, having dinner on the communal level, when Nat walked in after having just got back from a meeting with Fury. The moment she laid eyes on Peter she stopped in her tracks and they both shared a look of intense curiosity, before Nat simply nodded and took a seat close to the young man. That was that, as far as they were concerned. Nat stuck by his side the rest of the evening and beyond.

The team had taken to calling them 'Mama Spider' and 'Baby Spider', nicknames which I'd never heard either refute. I didn't understand the true depth of their bond, however, until I saw Nat comforting Peter after he had come into the building crying following the death of his Aunt May.

I was just walking around the corner from the elevator on Nat's floor to get her so she could talk with Peter, only to find that her protégé had found her before I had. I stopped just outside of their view so I could listen without being seen. I took a quick peek around the corner, being careful not to breathe too loudly. "Shh, shh, it's okay Питер. I know it doesn't seem like it, but it will all be okay," Nat said, stroking Peter's hair as he rested his head on her.

"Aunt May is gone, мамуля. She's gone and she's not coming back," Peter sobbed.

Nat was silent for a moment before she spoke again. I heard her voice crack slightly as she continued to comfort Peter. "She loved you so much, Ангел мой, she will always be with you in your heart. And when you think that you might forget that, you just come find me. I'll love you and remind you all over again, okay?"

I left then, leaving the two to their moment as I decided I had intruded enough.


End file.
